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The perfect Note- Written story by Nadia ~

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The perfect Note- Written story by Nadia ~

Post by Nadia c: on Fri Jan 10, 2014 4:22 am

The perfect note

Fragile, perfect, cute, adorable. All described a perfect note. Summer was filled of fun and joy, but it was missing a thing more bigger than fun, Romance. All that Jenifer was looking for was just to find her perfect one. 

Gazing out threw the window, looking far through the mountains , more further than anything, Jenifer saw her friends playing, swimming  and laughing. "Why can't I be with my friends?!" Mummered Jenifer. The door slightly opened. The  wooden cracks creaked loud. Jenifer turned her head swaying her hair."Did I scare you?" Whispered Katie. Katie was the sister of Jenifer. Icy blue eyes, Brown hair, Yellow sweater, black hat and blue jeans. "No... Come in" said Jenifer. Slowly across the wood Katie walked. "What are you staring at? You do know it's Dinner?" Asked Katie. "I'm staring down at the beach. Seeing the children play, having fun, catching waves. And no I didn't. It's not 7:00PM yet." Said Jenifer. "Well... Just come downstairs!" Shouted Katie. The children raced down the stairs. "SURPRISE JENIFER!!" shouted Everyone. It was her Birthday. "I forgot my birthday?" Said Jenifer sadly. "No, it's just Hannah won't be here when it's your real one." Said Her Mum. "SURE. CELEBRATE MY BRTHDAY EARLY SO THAT HANNAH CAN SEE IT. BUT WHEN I WANT TO SEE HER BIRTHDAY AND IM AWAY WITH MY FRIENDS, YOU JUST MISS IT. HOW DARE YOU!!!" Shouted Jenifer. She stormed up the stairs not looking at the dissapointed  faces. "I wish I never lived here" she said throwing herself on her bed.

Chapter 2
"MOM , MOM, MOM!!!! Can we go to the beach?"Shouted Katie. "Sure!But we first need to finish breakfast and drop Grammy off to the shop." Said mum. The children raced to their rooms grabbing all their luggage they had secretly packed already for the beach. Everyone was ready to go to the beach, except for Jenifer. She was sad and depressed that everyone never cared for her. "Where's Jen?  Asked Hannah. "She's in her room. She doesn't want to come with." Shouted Dad from the car. "I'd better go and talk to her." Thought Hannah. She marched up the wooden stairs with her sandals. "Koop Klop" went the sandels. "Jenifer it's me Han. Can we talk?" Said Hannah in a very soft and sweet voice. "NOOO!" She shouted back. Hannah walked into Jenifers room. "I just wanna talk" she said. "Well I don't so bye" said Jenifer trying to push Hannah out of her. "Look I'm sorry that we're celebrating your birthday early for me. And that you missed mine."said Hannah. "Okay BYE BYE!" Said Jenifer. "Wait, come with me to the beach PLEASE."shouted Hannah. "Wait. We're going to the beach?" Said Jenifer. Her eyes lit up like fire. She grabbed her bags, put on her cozy sweater and raced down the stairs with Hannah. 
 

Still more to come to Chapter 2!
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Re: The perfect Note- Written story by Nadia ~

Post by starbear on Fri Jan 10, 2014 8:24 am

nice story did you made it? :3  Very Happy   :starbear:
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Re: The perfect Note- Written story by Nadia ~

Post by Nadia c: on Fri Jan 10, 2014 9:27 am

Yes I did :3 and Tysm <333
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Re: The perfect Note- Written story by Nadia ~

Post by Sadie♡ on Fri Jan 10, 2014 9:51 am

More!! <33
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Re: The perfect Note- Written story by Nadia ~

Post by Admin on Fri Jan 10, 2014 10:56 am

ooh this sounds great so far!<33 moree pweasee<33 c:

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Re: The perfect Note- Written story by Nadia ~

Post by Guest on Fri Jan 10, 2014 11:15 am

More more more <333

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Re: The perfect Note- Written story by Nadia ~

Post by Hazza on Fri Jan 10, 2014 4:03 pm

It's interesting, but I see some mistakes. You don't have to capital some words in the sentences only like names, places, etc. When someone talks or also known as "dialogue" you make it a new paragraph and you add commas as well when it's needed.

For example:

"Where is Bobby?" Molly asked, looking around the room.
"I don't know," Paige replied. "Let's go find him."

That is just an example of using a comma. If you say someone's name during dialogue, it's need to be capital, but if you capital words like dog, cat, hat, etc in the dialogue, then it isn't needed.

It's just what I saw when you were writing this story. You should also write longer chapters because most stories have at least three pages in a chapter.

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Re: The perfect Note- Written story by Nadia ~

Post by Nadia c: on Sat Jan 11, 2014 4:28 am

Thank you ^ . Tbh Jnhate when it happens. If I write in lower case, sometime it turns into high case if I copy and paste it from note. And I know chapters have more than 3 pages XDDD. I'm trying to make it short and sweet since it's kind of hard to base the sorry  around a "note" LOL
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Re: The perfect Note- Written story by Nadia ~

Post by Hazza on Sat Jan 11, 2014 4:31 pm

No problem (:
And I understand perfectly.
You don't have to do every single thing I said because if you typed it somewhere else and those mistakes were already there then it would be hard to go back and fix them.

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Re: The perfect Note- Written story by Nadia ~

Post by Holly on Fri Jan 24, 2014 8:50 am

This is amazing (:
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Re: The perfect Note- Written story by Nadia ~

Post by Admin on Fri Jan 24, 2014 12:38 pm

Awesomee<33 xD

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Re: The perfect Note- Written story by Nadia ~

Post by Leela on Thu Jan 30, 2014 10:09 pm

This is a very nice story. Good job darling. You rock at writing (:.
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Re: The perfect Note- Written story by Nadia ~

Post by starbear on Fri Jan 31, 2014 8:05 am

this is a awesome story you should make this as a book Very Happy  Smile
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Re: The perfect Note- Written story by Nadia ~

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